BEING FEMININE IN RELATIONSHIPS

Much of the media geared towards girls and young women nowadays are telling them to think and act in a masculine way. They tell us to emulate men in the hopes of being able to compete with them in the workplace. Outside of work, women are still being pushed to be masculine in the home but this leaves them feeling unappreciated and overworked. How many of you pay for 1/2 of rent but still do all the house chores because “I like doing it and I do a better job.” How many times have you felt like your partner could at least fold the laundry or do the dishes or walk the dog, etc.? How much do you wish your partner would pay attention to you instead of playing video games with his friends? And lastly, why are you doing this to yourself? 

Undo your modern programming. The messages meant to uplift us are making us unhappy. They are bringing us down. Being strong does not mean being a man. We can be strong in our own feminine way. To be feminine is to know what you want and to get it with the tools God/the universe gave you. It is clear that the masculine way of being a woman is not working for us. We are asking men out on dates, proposing, telling them what to do, etc. We are doing their jobs, and in turn, we are attracting men who no longer have a role to perform. You are also putting yourself in relationships where the balance of attraction is heavily favoring them. By managing your relationship as you would a work project, you are going into relationships where your partner is a well compensated employee who will shop around for the next gig with better pay and benefits. Let the man do his work in the relationship. Let him think he is taking the lead. You are still in control. You get the final say, but let him do the preliminary work and pitch ideas to you. 

Think like a man, act like a woman. I believe it is true that women are more intuitive and emotionally aware. We pick up on social cues many men don’t. We analyze social interactions as an anthropologist would. We walk into a room and gauge who is the leader of the group and who to be friends with and who to avoid, all in a matter of minutes. We own personal interactions. Thinking like a man involves practicing masculine traits such as confidence, high risk tolerance, and assertiveness but only in thought. In action, we still practice them, but veiled in femininity. This may seem exhausting, but with practice, it comes naturally.

Upgrade your self esteem. Some women feel uncomfortable when men do nice things for them, as if they don’t deserve good treatment. These are the same women who are unhappy with their current state of affairs because they feel unappreciated. Make it make sense. Either you want something or you don’t. You don’t want a low-effort man? Then don’t get with low-effort men. Surround yourself with givers and get used to being treated well. It’s a never-ending cycle. You have low self esteem so you settle for low-effort people, but then you’re surrounded by low-effort people so your self esteem remains low. End the cycle. Start with yourself. 

Have no attachments. How to have a great relationship? Have them with great people. We will cross paths with many beings on this earth. You owe them common decency and nothing more. You don’t need to add them to your social media or give them your phone number or any access into your life. If you do, you don’t owe them the continuity of being in your life. Two words: delete and block. If they are not adding to your life, delete and block. You don’t need to entertain men for the sake of being nice. You don’t need to be nice. If your partner is consistently underperforming, you need to clear their spot in your life to make room for a better candidate.

Understand men. No matter what the current media says, men and women are not the same. We are equal, but not the same. Men do exactly what they want, and without hesitation. If he’s not doing something, it’s because he doesn’t want to. He didn’t do the dishes last night? He “forgot” your birthday/anniversary? He spent all weekend playing video games with his friends? They are not that complex. Remember this next time you feel like asking him why he didn’t/wouldn’t do something. You’ll be met with excuses which seem reasonably valid, but he’s just taking you for a ride: he really didn’t want to and the excuses were just convenient. A man who does not put in the effort does not seek to add value to your life, and because of this, he is not worthy of your time. Thank you, next. 

Love is infinite. Many women stay with low-effort men because they “love” them. You can love them without being with them. You need to love yourself more and redirect your love to more worthy recipients. You’ll never run out of love if you keep nourishing and nurturing yourself.

There is no one archetype of a feminine woman. Being feminine is not an outfit or pre-rehearsed lines. It’s about developing a mindset that is focused on achieving your happiest self. It’s about accepting good things and truly feeling like you deserve them. It’s about expecting excellence from those around you.

XOXO

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