“Gold diggers,” “sugar babies,” “Stepford wives,”  “Uncle Brad’s young wife.” Whatever we call them, there’s a general distaste for these women. There’s the stereotype of the hot young sugar baby who doesn’t have much going on up there. The evil gold diggers who only date men for money. The gaggle of girls partying in old men’s yachts. And, the infamous very attractive (too attractive?) college girl holding hands with an obviously older man in a fancy restaurant. The truth is, these women are actually quite intelligent in that they have figured out how to secure a stable living by working smart, not hard. Here’s why we hate them: 

They represent a loophole in the system. Many American girls in moderately progressive homes have been raised to believe that they need to be able to provide for themselves, that milking a man for money is immoral, that sex work is the devil’s work, that looks aren’t everything, that men should be able to see them for who they are and not for how they look, that they should be equal contributors in the home. For the most part, there’s nothing bad about these things, but imagine a woman raised in that household working a regular 9-5 job that pays the bills but doesn’t satisfy them, a woman who does most of the housework but still pays 50% of the bills, a woman whose identity is based on being “independent.” Imagine that woman seeing another woman who’s relatively more attractive and living a more comfortable life without having to work a 9-5 that she hates. Of course, she’s going to hate the kept woman: she represents a loophole in the system that no one told her about. 

We assume they don’t “work.” Being a kept woman is a full-time job in itself. Because their contribution is not measured in dollars, they have a mostly unwritten rubric that they need to fulfill to keep their partners happy. Each relationship is different, but for the most part, kept women maintain a good diet, regular exercise, beauty + grooming regimen which requires various appointments that use up a lot of time. Since their work is in the home, running the household is their main priority. Homemaking is work, period. 

We are insecure. Instead of letting others live their truths, we begrudge them for being good looking, and worse, well off. Life isn’t fair, and we seek to make it fair by putting others down and shaming them for doing what’s best for them. We comfort ourselves by believing in the binary system of beauty vs brains. In reality, some women can have both, and that is okay. 

I have friends who are on both sides of the career/kept woman coin, and I can tell you that I have no judgment towards either. I see their joy in what they do, and that’s really all that matters. I have no respect for people who judge kept women. People who begrudge kept women are, on the whole, insecure. They can’t see others being happy pursuing a path that they find themselves unable to, so they throw stones at women who managed to succeed at it. 


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