I used to have this “poor me” mentality. I relied on -isms and past trauma as excuses as to why I’m not leading the life that I want. At some point, I was just tired of playing the victim and thinking that all these things have been done to me, and instead, recognized that yes, these things happened in my life and they do affect me to this day. But I can’t let them control my life anymore. I can’t keep using them as crutches to maintain the status quo of being unsatisfied with my life. I learned very difficult lessons that I’d like to share with you:

Life is unfair and it doesn’t owe you anything. The sooner you realize this, the harder you will work to claim what you want. When you stop believing that because you are a good person and karma or the universe or your god will reward you, the sooner you can take charge of your life. Your entitlement to happiness is holding you back. 

Center your locus of control inwards. There’s many things outside of our control that’s holding us back, so there is no need to add on to all the weight. By believing that most things in your life are under your control, you take back your power and give yourself the ability to execute positive life plans. I recognize that we do not have 100% agency of our life, but that doesn’t mean we can just go with the flow and be complacent in the weaving of our story. 

Stop fixating on what should be. If we were president of the world, I’m sure we’d change a lot of things, but we’re not, and many things take multiple lifetimes to change. There is no use living in the past or the future. There is only now. It’s great to support movements that have futuristic and idealistic goals, but these focus on changing others, which is a lot more difficult to do than changing yourself. 

Let go of dead weight. As much as you want to improve yourself or advance your life, there will be some people who will not support you or maybe even discourage you. If you know that your goals are not hurting anyone and have realistic probabilities of being successful, you can cut these people out of your life. It’s a lot more difficult climbing whatever proverbial ladder you choose when there’s people dragging you down. You may think that, “I just won’t listen to them,” “They mean well,” “They’re just concerned,” but the truth is, these people plant doubt in your head that will grow and then result in you doubting yourself and tainting your mindset. By getting rid of these negative people, you are making space for more positive people in your life. 

It’s very difficult to look into ourselves and see that for the most part, we have been holding ourselves back. On top of the other external factors keeping us down, we are adding on to them. Wouldn’t it be great if we actually took charge of our lives and work on what we can improve instead of placing blame on others and waiting for others to change?

*As with most of my content, I learned these lessons from MY experiences. I don’t aim to speak for anyone else but myself, and if you find yourself disagreeing with my message, that is totally fine as you may have a different perspective and experience. There’s enough space on the internet for different messages, and I’m sure you’ll find someone else whose message you align more with.


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