Ever wonder why men don’t treat you well or as well as you want them to? Why they take hours to reply to a text? Why they flake last minute on dates? Why they schedule your dates at most a day before? Why they always schedule your dates on a Sunday and not a Friday or a Saturday? Why he asks you to pay “your share”? It’s because you are not his dream woman. Your fault isn’t that you’re not good looking enough or smart enough or whatever enough. Your fault is choosing a man for whom you are not the absolute best they can attract. 

Men who don’t treat you well are only using you as a placeholder until they can get more social and financial capital to go after their dream woman. And if/when he does acquire such capital, you’ll be left behind. The starter wife phenomenon is a real thing, and it happens more often than you think. Being someone’s dream woman means this has a low chance of happening to you because in his eyes, he has won the lottery. So how does one become his dream woman? 

Know your dream man. I’m not advocating for dating men you are not attracted to just because they are head over heels for you. It’s quite the opposite. I’m telling you to imagine the man who is perfect for you and optimizing yourself to attract that man. After all, your idea of a perfect man should be closely in line with your goals in life, so it shouldn’t be that hard to make these changes. What does he look like? What are his hobbies? What are his goals? Where does he live? You need to flesh out these details and manifest your way into meeting him. 

Work on yourself. If there is any discrepancy between what your dream man is and your current state of self, work on them. If you want a healthy and active partner, you can’t lead a sedentary lifestyle. If you want a responsible partner, take charge of your own life. Be the best ever possible version of you. Not only will it make you feel better about yourself, your confidence and general positive disposition will help attract positive men. In a sense, the benefits of working on yourself are two-fold: you attract a mate with the primary results of said changes + you become a positive person which is an attractive trait. 

Communicate your value. Many women allow themselves to be vulnerable with men on first dates. They tell them their life story, insecurities, “I’ve never been treated by a man so well.” Just stop. If you’re telling him that other men don’t see your value, he’s going to wonder if you have any value to give him at all. I don’t need to put any disclaimers here that “everyone has value.” That’s a given. But when it comes to human interactions such as dating or networking, value is communicated and perceived. They may perceive your value as a mate, but if you tell them otherwise, it results in confusion. Communicate your self-confidence through words, actions, and appearance.

Be picky. Like I said in the beginning, when men don’t treat you well, it’s not because of what you did or what you are. It’s because you picked the wrong man. If they’re acting like you should be the one who’s grateful for their presence, move along, sis. Don’t even think about “teaching” him how to treat you well. It’s not on us to teach men how to be good partners. You don’t need to perform emotional labor for anyone but yourself. 

I know it’s harsh, but such is life. Change is uncomfortable and sometimes painful, but we can’t keep doing the same things hoping for different outcomes. You can’t change others but you can change yourself so why not start there.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s