It’s a classic story: girl meets boy, they go out on a couple dates/ booty calls, weeks pass, girl asks boy “what are we?,” he says he “doesn’t want any labels,” girl gets heartbroken but still keeps talking to him, he strings her along, she finally gets tired of his shit or he ghosts her, girl starts over with another f*ckboy and the cycle continues. There is no doubt that the f*ckboy is an asshole, but the girl is clearly gullible and eager for male attention, it didn’t matter where it came from. How do I know? Well, I was that girl. Here’s how I went from f*ckboy magnet to attracting gentlemen (and keeping one). 

Date with intention. Do you want a FWB (friends with benefits) or a boyfriend or a husband? Get rid of your “let’s see where this goes” BS. Pick one and go along with it. There are men that you will only want to spend a night with, some men who you know you will date but never marry, and some men that you want to marry within the first few months of meeting them. If you know your intention, then it’ll be easier to find the right man. Now you don’t have to waste your time with Mr.  Boyfriend Material when all you really want is Mr. Husband Material. And no, you can’t make someone into husband material = never date potential. 

Fix your self-esteem. The reality is we put up with BS because we don’t think that we deserve better and that this f*ckboy is the best we can get because who else would possibly love us and cuff us? Having your feelings played with is way worse than being alone and having no one toying with your emotions. 

Stop being a pick-me. Urban dictionary, a very reliable source, defines a “pick-me” as “a woman who wants the attention of the opposite sex (or same sex) so badly, she’ll throw her fellow woman under the bus.” This mentality is setting you back big time. Being like this lowers your standards and allows low-effort men (aka f*ckboys) access to you. The truth is, men like beautiful women who put in the effort to look good, but some men just don’t have enough looks or financial or social capital to attract them. Next time a man says, “I hate when women don’t pay on dates,” or “I’m glad you don’t put much makeup on” or “Look at that slutty dress she’s wearing,” it’s a sign that he wants you to be low effort because he himself is low effort. You can bet he would gladly pay for a date with his “dream woman,” but to him, you are not his dream woman so he wants you to pay your way. 

Beware of low-effort dates. “Men” who ask you out on a first date to get “coffee” or “Netflix and chill” are less invested in the date and are trying to get the most “bang” for their buck, so to speak. If your date is not taking you to a place where you have to at least wear a nice outfit, it’s a big no. Kindly tell him that’s not really the type of first date you go on and you wish him the best. Good riddance. 

Be “high maintenance.” The word “high maintenance” is quite subjective. But if a man thinks that wanting to go on a nice date or dressing a certain way or wanting certain things or wanting to be treated a certain way is “high maintenance,” then they are low-effort men. Don’t bring down your expectations to suit the man you’re going on a date with. If they can’t keep up with you, then they’re not right for you. Keep looking for someone who accepts you and can provide the type of support and companionship you need.


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