As a serial dater in a past life, I’ve learned a couple things about dating that I wish I didn’t learn the hard way. Now, I’m in a very fulfilling relationship that satisfies all my needs and wants as a romantic being. Unfortunately, this is not the case for many people, and it wasn’t the case for me in my past relationship. So what changed? Well, I CHANGED. Here’s a few things that helped me manifest a stable and loving relationship. 

Be happy being single. In the beginning, I hated being single. As a very social person, it was very difficult for me to be alone. I dragged my codependent ass to many first dates with men on nights where I just didn’t want to sit in my shitty apartment eating instant ramen alone. I knew I wanted to be someone’s girlfriend and it didn’t matter who it was, it just had to happen. One thing I learned is that if you are happy being by yourself, you’ll learn to be more selective of who you let into your life. Your life is already good, why bring a mediocre person into it? They have to be A-mazing for them to be allowed in your life. Otherwise, what’s the point? 

Be kind to yourself. There’s this saying: “You teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself.” This is probably one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn. I wasn’t treating or even talking to myself in a loving way so how could someone love me if I don’t even love myself? If you treat yourself like shit, guess what, others will too. Set a good example by taking care of your mental and physical health. Learn how to draw boundaries, how to practice restraint with drugs and food, and how to stand up for yourself when wronged.

Communicate your intention. One of the pillars of great relationships is good communication. Before you spend any significant amount of time on any endeavor, you should know where it is going. You don’t want to be a month into dating someone and finding out they don’t want to be exclusive with you.

Stick to your guns. Even after communicating your intention, men may still want to waste your time by telling you your expectations are “too much” or that you’re coming off as desperate or that they are not there yet but you should wait for them to feel the same. You can kindly tell them to f*ck off. Just because you’re young and in your twenties or thirties, doesn’t mean your time is worth less and is okay to be wasted.

Be you, but better. At some point in our lives, we’ve realized where we stand on attractiveness and eligibility as a mate for someone with similar attractiveness and eligibility. Be honest with yourself and think about the type of men you think you currently attract. Now think about the type of man you want to attract. If there’s a discrepancy there, improve yourself in the areas that are lacking. Those areas may be that you have a temper or a drug habit or are carrying excess weight. I don’t advocate changing yourself for a man, but you are changing yourself to attract your partner avatar. The one you see yourself spending a significant portion of your life with. In the end, you are doing this for you.

Be their dream woman. When you find someone for whom you are the best they’re ever going to get, there is less incentive for them to sabotage your relationship. They’ll also be more invested in your presence in their life that they will be more committed to making sure you are happy in the relationship. 

Stick to your standards/preferences. We all have standards and preferences, some of them reasonable and some of them silly. For example, I would never date a man who has kids. At this age, I’m not looking to raise someone else’s kids. I also wouldn’t date someone who is not keen on the idea of marriage. Whatever it is, stick to it. If you don’t, you allow your time to be wasted and your feelings hurt. Don’t be a people pleaser and pretend you are someone you are not. At the end of the day, no one is looking out for you except for yourself. Why are you sacrificing your happiness to make it convenient for them to have a girlfriend? 

Be prepared to walk away at any time. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. When you find that you made a mistake in choosing a partner, don’t be ashamed to call it quits. The earlier you do, the faster you can get to your ideal partner. If you want to attract a stable and loyal man, you can’t do that while still with another man. Relationships are like an aircraft carrier landing deck; you can’t land a good one when there’s someone parked in the middle of the runway. 

Many misconstrue “manifesting” as simply imagining things would come true. This cannot be farther from the truth. You manifest things by planting seeds and letting them grow so you can pick the fruits of your labor. Manifesting is a 24/7 activity. You must do everything with intention and not waste your time and energy on things and people that won’t give you a good return on your investment. You can do this.



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